The (Magazine) Rack

by Keenan Schott

Sarah Jessica Parker
Airbrushed and photoshopped
Virtually unidentifiable

Cate Blanchett
“Standing on the brink of something exciting”
Holding an invisible cigarette that rests in an invisible cigarette holder

Janet Yellen
Stares thoughtfully into the distance
Old as shit

The self-importance of human beings
Is a funny thing
To me

Kate Gosselin
Slave driver
Giving the most furious thumbs up ever

Khloé Kardashian
Pregnant and showing
I don't know “who's the daddy”

Andi Eigenmann
Strong, fearless, and ready to face anything
In a lacy sports bra

The self-importance of human beings
Is a funny thing
To me

Joe Manganiello
Ruggedly handsome with salt and pepper stubble
Having trouble reading the board

Jane Seymour
Stiff as a stiffy
Hopes to inspire people with her 62 year old bikini body.

Nicole Richie
Anorexic Again
Walking on the grass instead of the sidewalk

The self-importance of human beings
Is a funny thing
To me

Kent Moyer
Modern Samurai?
More like modern comb over!

The self-importance of human beings
Is a funny thing
To me

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